Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
