Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
