she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
