the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
