I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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