im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
