I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
