It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
