You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
