just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
