fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
