I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
