If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
