You just made me feel so damn special
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
