tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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