billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
