but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
