Where is the hickey?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
