My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
