I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
