I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
