You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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