i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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