i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
