in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i came on her dog
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
