just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
