everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I know her cup size but not her name....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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