Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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