What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
