Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
