Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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