on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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