He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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