i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
