u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
