How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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