Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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