forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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