My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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