ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
