I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
