I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
