I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
