u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
