Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
