yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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