you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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