seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
