so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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