I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
